– Creating Intentional Moments for Your Family

By: Manuel and Carmel Melendez

“Lost time is never found again.” Benjamin Franklin spoke these words, and they are a strong reminder to us today that time does not stand still. What we do with our time is so important, especially in regards to our family. If you have children, it’s almost guaranteed that you have also heard the other quote, “Cherish these moments because they grow up fast.”

Despite knowing our need to make the most of the time we have with our families, the constant demands on our time never stop. Whether it’s work, activities, sports or the hundreds of other things that steal our time, we will never have enough time unless we intentionally create it!

As a new mom, I (Carmel) was torn with all the things that needed my attention. Then a dear friend told me, “The dishes and laundry will always be there, ministry will always be there, and the business of life will always be there; but your children will not always be there.” Wow, that hit home! Kids grow up, leave the nest, and venture out on their own. But what will they leave with? How can we possibly have the time to invest in our kids and raise them to be all that God wants?

The answer: Make an investment by creating intentional moments.

Be Intentional and spend time WITHOUT the kids!

YES! This sounds counter to investing in our children, but we have learned that one of the most important lessons to teach your children is to spend time together as a couple.

Whether married or single, what we model as adults is crucial in raising our children. Let’s model Christ! They will see what is important to us, respect us more for it, and then want to model Christ in their own lives.

Married Couples:

• Go On Dates
  Have couch time together and even set early bedtime schedules for the kids to remind them that mom and dad need time alone.
• Save the bed for mom and dad
  This doesn’t mean they can’t come and cuddle on occasion, it just means they understand and respect that mom and dad’s relationship is important.
• Allow your children to see you loving each other
  Nothing builds confidence, a sense of security, and safety in them more than seeing their parents love each other. Let them see you hold hands, read the Bible together, pray together, and yes, let them see even a good smooch once in a while! It’s good for them to see a healthy relationship that is God-centered!

Single Parents:

As you manage the role of both mom and dad, it can be tempting to allow your children to dominate your world.

• Take time to refuel
  Taking time for yourself and time with God shows your child that you are worth it and allows them to respect you for it.
• Set boundaries with your time
  You are not your child’s best friend, you are their parent. It is not healthy for them to be with you 24/7.
• Go out with your friends
  Have adult conversations, set early bedtimes for the kids, and allow yourself time alone with God.

Be intentional and learn your child’s love language.

Gary Chapman wrote a great book called The Five Love Languages of Children. In it we learn that our children have specific ways their “love tank” is filled.

One day as I (Manuel) was saying goodbye to my family after they dropped me off at work, one of my daughters shouted, “Daddy!” She wanted to give me a hug but was still strapped in her seatbelt. She knew she couldn’t reach, so she said, “Daddy, just touch my finger,” as she stretched out for me to touch the tip of her finger. Physical touch was what filled her “love tank!”

Be intentional and have time as a family with Jesus.

Take the time to explore your faith together as a family. Remember it’s not your relationship with Christ that will save them, it’s theirs!

• Get an age-appropriate Bible.
  Or even a great Bible app.
• Pray together.
  It’s important to show your children how to pray, and it is just as important to allow them moments to lead in prayer.
• Worship together.
  Don’t leave worship time for only Sundays. Let the kids see what it looks like when you worship God right in your very own living room.

Be intentional on how you train and correct your child.

In Proverbs 22:6, the Bible reminds us to train up a child in the way they should go. Sometimes life is so busy, or we are so tired, it’s hard to take the time to train. Either that or we just get frustrated and no one wins.

• Set boundaries.
  Children naturally desire boundaries and even want to see how far they can stretch them. Recognize that training is a vital part of your child’s development, so don’t feel guilty for correcting them.
• 1,2,3……Don’t wait to count to 3 to let your child disobey.
  Get down on their level, deal with the situation right away, and they will learn to love and respect you for it.

Be Intentional and have fun with your kids!

As a parent, it can be hard to get out of “parent mode” and just hang out with our children, but nothing builds bonds like laughter and fun. Take the time to enjoy your kids. Find things that you all enjoy and make it a point to have those moments often.

“Will you play with me?” is often our children’s cry to be loved and noticed. If a child’s “love tank” is filled, they are less likely to need discipline and correction. Be intentional, stop what you are doing and learn to have fun!

We end with this quote by William Penn, “Time is what we want the most but what we use the worst.” Let’s choose today to not only want great moments with our children but to intentionally create them.