“If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”
—Mother Teresa

Not long ago a good friend contacted me, asking for prayer because of a big transition her and her husband were about to make. You see, they’re both in full-time ministry, and they decided that it would be best for their family if she became a stay-at-home mom.  She wanted me to pray for a number of reasons. The first thing she said was, she was nervous their pastor would think she was giving up on her calling to full-time ministry. Immediately, I felt led to encourage her that directions in her calling can change. They will look different in different seasons, but to be confident in this: a stay-at-home mom is in FULL-TIME MINISTRY!

Right away, I had a Holy Spirit lightbulb moment. Being a spouse and a parent in reality is a full-time ministry! While encouraging my sweet friend, I suddenly felt empowered by the role the Father had me in right now, in this season as a stay-at-home mom. Cleaning the kitchen, taking care of my children, doing laundry, planning meals, managing the budget, buying groceries and much, much more began to look different to me.

I used to ask myself if what I was doing at home was important, or if I was doing enough at church, serving in enough places, or just DOING enough, in general. But in that Holy Spirit moment, I was set free from those high-pressure thoughts brought on by the enemy himself. It made me feel like my role was vital, necessary, and beautiful. It radically changed my perspective and allowed me to shake off any unnecessary pressure when I realized that what I do every day for my family is not only important but it’s more than enough. In fact, it’s ministering to them similarly to the way I would in church or in the community.

To top it off, my husband and I are growing disciples right in our own home as we raise our children. Don’t get me wrong, serving in church and caring for people in the community are important, but our priority is first to our family. When I said a firm “goodbye” to the pressure to do more than what I am called to do right now, in this season, it freed me up and empowered me to take care of my family in peace and in love.

Dear friends, don’t allow the enemy or the comparisons to what other people are accomplishing diminish the value of loving and serving your family. When those things are in proper order, everything else flows from that place so beautifully. It’s world-changing stuff! I pray that right now, in this moment, your eyes would be opened to this revelation: what you do for your family is incredibly powerful, important, and eternal in nature. I would even go so far as to say that there is no higher calling than the ministry of home.

– Kristin Johnson

“For there is hope for a tree when it is cut down, that it will sprout again, and its shoots will not fail. Though its roots grow old in the ground and its stump dies in the dry soil, at the scent of water it will flourish and put forth sprigs like a plant.”  

– Job 14:7-9

Maybe you think that life has cut you down like that tree. Possibly you feel like you are dying and withering away as a single parent. I am here to say to you today, “Don’t give up, don’t quit. One moment in the presence of God and one drop of His living water will change your life forever.” When you put your hope in Jesus, you will flourish as a single parent. He will help you live a life of purpose and meaning, focus, order, balance, and harmony.

Single parenting may seem hard. It’s non-stop and often goes unappreciated. It seems like we are stuck in this weird place between having a single life and having a family. I’m a provider, nurturer, and disciplinarian. Carrying out each of these roles—often simultaneously—seems overwhelming at times.

1. When You’re feeling Overwhelmed the Lord says:
   “But those who trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak.”  Isaiah 40:31
2. When You’re Tired:
   “Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
3. When You Feel Alone:
   “The mountains and hills may crumble, but my love for you will never end; I will keep forever my promise of peace.’ So says the Lord who loves you.” Isaiah 54:10
4. When You’re Worried about Money:
   “And with all his abundant wealth through Christ Jesus, my God will supply all your needs.” Philippians 4:19
5. When You Need Wisdom:
   “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Whether you are divorced or separated and the custodial parent*, or whether you are a widower, the challenges are very similar.

As a single dad, I realized early that my daughter and I were not as close as I thought. With the passing of her mother, I suddenly realized that there are things that I won’t be able to relate to because I am a man. Many men tend to take an “I Must Fix It” mentality in their lives and their relationships. We will listen long enough to identify the problem, and then we are off on to the solution. Our daughters usually don’t want us to fix their issues, they would rather we listen and try understanding them. Don’t go at it alone. Seek out a female mentor that can pour into your daughter’s life. For some dads, a grandmother, aunt, or other family member can take that role. Finding a strong and capable female role model is critical to your daughter’s success in growing up.

Keeping the lines of communication open requires time, patience, and a willingness to make it a priority.

• Teach them to be problem solvers.
• Don’t rescue or over-protect them.
• If you overprotect, your daughter will either rebel or become dependent, and neither of those outcomes is a positive.
• Take interest in what interests them … like shopping!

Single dads, I know it can be overwhelming to raise children alone, especially a daughter, but it can be done. And if you are sensitive to your daughter and invest the time into your relationship, you’ll find immense satisfaction in raising a great daughter. I thank God for the amazing children he has entrusted me with.
– Pastor Mark Russell

* Definition of Custodial Parent

– Creating Intentional Moments for Your Family

By: Manuel and Carmel Melendez

“Lost time is never found again.” Benjamin Franklin spoke these words, and they are a strong reminder to us today that time does not stand still. What we do with our time is so important, especially in regards to our family. If you have children, it’s almost guaranteed that you have also heard the other quote, “Cherish these moments because they grow up fast.”

Despite knowing our need to make the most of the time we have with our families, the constant demands on our time never stop. Whether it’s work, activities, sports or the hundreds of other things that steal our time, we will never have enough time unless we intentionally create it!

As a new mom, I (Carmel) was torn with all the things that needed my attention. Then a dear friend told me, “The dishes and laundry will always be there, ministry will always be there, and the business of life will always be there; but your children will not always be there.” Wow, that hit home! Kids grow up, leave the nest, and venture out on their own. But what will they leave with? How can we possibly have the time to invest in our kids and raise them to be all that God wants?

The answer: Make an investment by creating intentional moments.

Be Intentional and spend time WITHOUT the kids!

YES! This sounds counter to investing in our children, but we have learned that one of the most important lessons to teach your children is to spend time together as a couple.

Whether married or single, what we model as adults is crucial in raising our children. Let’s model Christ! They will see what is important to us, respect us more for it, and then want to model Christ in their own lives.

Married Couples:

• Go On Dates
  Have couch time together and even set early bedtime schedules for the kids to remind them that mom and dad need time alone.
• Save the bed for mom and dad
  This doesn’t mean they can’t come and cuddle on occasion, it just means they understand and respect that mom and dad’s relationship is important.
• Allow your children to see you loving each other
  Nothing builds confidence, a sense of security, and safety in them more than seeing their parents love each other. Let them see you hold hands, read the Bible together, pray together, and yes, let them see even a good smooch once in a while! It’s good for them to see a healthy relationship that is God-centered!

Single Parents:

As you manage the role of both mom and dad, it can be tempting to allow your children to dominate your world.

• Take time to refuel
  Taking time for yourself and time with God shows your child that you are worth it and allows them to respect you for it.
• Set boundaries with your time
  You are not your child’s best friend, you are their parent. It is not healthy for them to be with you 24/7.
• Go out with your friends
  Have adult conversations, set early bedtimes for the kids, and allow yourself time alone with God.

Be intentional and learn your child’s love language.

Gary Chapman wrote a great book called The Five Love Languages of Children. In it we learn that our children have specific ways their “love tank” is filled.

One day as I (Manuel) was saying goodbye to my family after they dropped me off at work, one of my daughters shouted, “Daddy!” She wanted to give me a hug but was still strapped in her seatbelt. She knew she couldn’t reach, so she said, “Daddy, just touch my finger,” as she stretched out for me to touch the tip of her finger. Physical touch was what filled her “love tank!”

Be intentional and have time as a family with Jesus.

Take the time to explore your faith together as a family. Remember it’s not your relationship with Christ that will save them, it’s theirs!

• Get an age-appropriate Bible.
  Or even a great Bible app.
• Pray together.
  It’s important to show your children how to pray, and it is just as important to allow them moments to lead in prayer.
• Worship together.
  Don’t leave worship time for only Sundays. Let the kids see what it looks like when you worship God right in your very own living room.

Be intentional on how you train and correct your child.

In Proverbs 22:6, the Bible reminds us to train up a child in the way they should go. Sometimes life is so busy, or we are so tired, it’s hard to take the time to train. Either that or we just get frustrated and no one wins.

• Set boundaries.
  Children naturally desire boundaries and even want to see how far they can stretch them. Recognize that training is a vital part of your child’s development, so don’t feel guilty for correcting them.
• 1,2,3……Don’t wait to count to 3 to let your child disobey.
  Get down on their level, deal with the situation right away, and they will learn to love and respect you for it.

Be Intentional and have fun with your kids!

As a parent, it can be hard to get out of “parent mode” and just hang out with our children, but nothing builds bonds like laughter and fun. Take the time to enjoy your kids. Find things that you all enjoy and make it a point to have those moments often.

“Will you play with me?” is often our children’s cry to be loved and noticed. If a child’s “love tank” is filled, they are less likely to need discipline and correction. Be intentional, stop what you are doing and learn to have fun!

We end with this quote by William Penn, “Time is what we want the most but what we use the worst.” Let’s choose today to not only want great moments with our children but to intentionally create them.