My life was radically changed when I became a Christian. My marriage was transformed, as well. My wife and I began what has become the most meaningful relationship of our lives.

It didn’t begin that way, however. Our first year was the worst. Filled with false hopes about what we could expect from each other, the marriage hit the rocks. If Barb hadn’t decided to stick it out, we would never have reached our first anniversary.

The next few years were not much better. I was into doing ‘my own thing’ and had little regard for Barb’s interests—an attitude unsuitable for a healthy marriage. Then came the change, and it was big.

One of the first things we did was re-state our wedding vows. When we were married in 1971, we never made a commitment to each other. We simply made up our own non-vows, leaving the door open in case it didn’t work. This time, however, we promised: “To have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, to cherish and to obey, till death do us part.”

Now, 45 years later, our experience is quite different.

We worship together. Frankly, I cannot understand how other couples survive without having a relationship with God. Many don’t. Praying, reading the Bible, and attending church together have literally made our marriage what it is today. Without doing these together, we would be lost.

We’re best friends. We enjoy being together. We share our joys and sorrows, our deepest thoughts and fears. As we unite to face our problems (and we do have problems), we grow closer. We’re complete.

God told Adam that it’s not good for man to be alone. He was right. I get lonely when I am away from Barb. Events are not as much fun. Life is not the same without her. Something is missing when we’re not. We were intended to be together.

We’re secure. We trust each other. We don’t worry about one of us running off with another man or woman. We know who will pick us up when we fall down. There’s great assurance in that.

We’re strong. Though one of us may be overpowered at times, two of us can stand the most difficult of circumstances. Together we are much stronger than by ourselves.

We’re satisfied. One night lying in bed, Barb told me that if she were to die that night she would be fulfilled. I feel the same way; I couldn’t ask for more in a wife. We try very hard to make sure the other person is happy. That’s what marriage is all about.

We’re in love. Not love in the Hollywood sense of the word, but in the biblical sense. Unconditional. Unselfish. Love that is action-oriented, focused on the other person, expressed in giving.

Barb and I marvel at what God has done. He took two completely different people, brought them together, invaded their hearts, and began to build a relationship representative of Jesus and His Church. Totally awesome.

God is faithful to the covenant of marriage and to those who seek to keep it. If you are married and believe in heaven, you need not die to experience it. You simply need to make the commitment to love your spouse God’s way. You will discover the divine institution of marriage to be among the greatest blessings of the human experience, “as the days of heaven upon the earth” (Deuteronomy 11:21).

We could all use some of those.

Terry Hart

“Can we have a great marriage?”  Well, as my grandfather used to say, “Now that’s the forty-eight dollar question.”  (It’s probably a lot more now with inflation.)  With God’s help, you can be a one ‘percent-er.’  By that I mean, you can have a marriage that is extraordinary, truly amazing, and the way God designed it to be.  There, I’ve already dropped the two big secrets of the mystery of a great marriage.  You have got to know the WHO and the WHAT of marriage.  Ignorance is not bliss but, rather, hell on earth.

God the Father is the inventor, copyright holder, patent owner, and author of this thing called marriage.  It does not work without Him.  Many people, even some Christians, mistakenly think marriage is an agreement between two people.  That’s the problem with not knowing the WHO of this amazing creation.  We tend to leave Him out of something that only works with His involvement.  God built Himself into the art of marriage.  You can’t have it, neither can you work it without Him.  Some have a form of marriage, but who wants a CZ when you can have a priceless diamond?

What would you think of someone using their upright vacuum cleaner as a coat rack?  What about someone using their car as a garbage can?  (I think I’ve seen that.)  This is what happens when you fail to recognize the value and purpose of something—you misuse it; even abuse it.

If your marriage isn’t working, could it be that you might need more knowledge of both the Maker and His invention?  I believe we can all use more of the knowledge of God, no matter where we are in the process of life and marriage.

Look at Genesis 2:18 and 23-24: And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”  Then Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”  For this reason (the WHY) a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

God wanted to invest His goodness into humanity.  Hear His words again: “It is not good that man should be alone.”  God invented marriage to be a covenant agreement, magnetically pulling His goodness into the partnership, the oneness, of a man and woman.  Vows of marriage made in faith bring that couple into a covenant (a promise of agreement).  Inside this covenant He obligates Himself to bless those who are inside.  Amazing!  Faith in God brings perfect love into your heart and multiplies into the heart of your marriage.

Marriage is more than just believing in each other. It is also believing in the One who made each of you. Your marriage can showcase the goodness of God, so get the Inventor involved on every level of your marriage.

– Pastor Stephen Marshall

“That in all things He may have the preeminence.”
–Colossians 1:18

The key to any successful relationship is what’s at the core. If the core of your relationship is based on good looks, a common interest, or even attending the same church, those friendships and marriages are on shaky ground. The one sure-fire ingredient for a meaningful and lasting relationship is having Christ at its center.

My wife, Barbara, and I have a wonderful marriage, going on 46 years now. It wasn’t always like this, however. The first three years were rough to say the least. I was a self-centered introvert, depressed most days, while Barb was the happy-go-lucky, just-put-a-smile-on-your-face type. Needless to say, it wasn’t working. In fact, less than a year into our marriage, she seriously considered leaving me. Thankfully, she had a confidante who advised her to stick it out. Then it got worse!

Because God was working in my life, I was groping along, looking for answers—in all the wrong places. I dove headlong into eastern religion and left Barb in the dust of meditation, a strict diet, and ‘restrained’ marital relations.

It was Christ who reunited us in the fall of 1974, when we both accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Since then we have made it our aim to put God first and each other second.

I love Barb. Sure, she’s a beautiful person inside and out. But the real reason I love her is because I value my relationship with God, and He tells me to love my wife as Christ loves the Church. In addition, I’m told that if I mistreat her in any way, my prayers are, well, “hindered.”

In the same way, Barb loves me. Not because I’m such a cool guy, but because she loves the Lord, and the Lord commands her to honor and submit to me.

What makes our marriage great is we both put our relationship with God above our relationship with each other. It is because of the Lord that we love and treat each other the way we do.

The same principle applies to all other relationships: parents, children, brothers and sisters in Christ, even non-family. If Jesus has first place in our hearts, then we love because He first loved us. We understand that if we say we love God, whom we can’t see, but fail to love those whom we can see, we’re missing the boat. The truth is if we call ourselves Christians, then Jesus must have the preeminence. If He comes first, it follows we must do what He says.

So, I love my wife, my family, and my friends because of, and out from, my relationship with Jesus Christ. Because He is at the core, the relationships I have both inside and outside of the church are “healthy, growing, and full of love” (Ephesians 4:16).

– Terry Hart

• The Dallas Morning News reported that the average couple, married ten years or more, spends only thirty-seven minutes a week in meaningful communication.
• A survey of counseling professionals concluded that poor communication is the number one reason couples split up.

It’s more than just quantity of words needed between two people, but rather the quality of expression.

You may say, “I’m just not that big on talking.”  Communication comes in many forms: an affirming touch, a kind gesture, a sweet text, some thoughtful planning, listening close, and yes … verbalizing your feelings.  Guys, don’t get nervous!  The list of opportunities to engage, develop, stretch and grow goes on and on.  If you’re not growing, you’re dying.  It’s a simple principle of life, but true none the less.

My wife was away on a trip, and this was in the first year of our marriage.  I wanted to do something special for her, so I went on a cleaning spree, which included washing all her clothes.  Everything was going fine until I cleaned her cashmere outfit.  After washing it, I put it in the dryer.  To my horror, out came a tiny little suit.  When she came home, my cleaning and prep work communicated love and attention.  But when she found her favorite outfit six sizes smaller, she communicated understanding, forgiveness, love, and demonstrated a beautiful heart by throwing on her new-found, freshly cleaned cashmere bike shorts and halter top with a big hug, kiss, and laughter.

A marriage grows on the seeds of love and respect.  Both must be communicated successfully.  You and your spouse have a built-in protocol for access.  Respect is a prerequisite for friendship.  To assume access where a ‘bridge’ has not yet been built is both ignorant and disrespectful.  Access is terminated.  There are marriages that limp along not realizing they’ve either lost, or never found, their ‘bridge.’

Words spoken are seeds.  Paying attention is a seed.  Kindness, patience, and consideration are all seeds.  Good seeds produce GREAT results.  On the other hand, things like accusations, criticism, pride, and disrespect produce a harvest you’d pay to have removed.  In fact, divorce is often a pricey attempt at undoing unwanted harvests.

Sometimes a problem needs to be addressed. Harsh words only close a person’s heart, therefore, shutting down any possibility of a resolution.  Remember this: a conversation can never rise above the level set in the first three minutes. So, rise to that next level and get some height by using honor, understanding, and esteem in that first three minutes, or all your effort will be doomed.

To win at anything you must first define the goal.  The goal in communication is AGREEMENT.  Agreement is not sameness, but harmony.  Biblical agreement is the symphony of thought and action, both in spirit and reality.  Jesus said in Matthew 18:19, “If two agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.”  The seed of agreement brings God on the scene.  You’ve got the power.  Sow the right seed!

– Pastor Stephen Marshall